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Vulnerable vs. Needy, by Lissa Rankin

Lissa Rankin, MD

“I don’t want to feel like I have to be strong all the time. I want to be allowed to fall apart, to freak out, to get scared, to feel insecure and need reassurance. And I don’t expect those I love to keep it together all the time either.

But I also want to have relationships where we can both be sunshine choosing to bump up against one another from time to time, while also letting it be okay that we sometimes grow dim.”

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In memory of a wonderful kitty cat.

Dear family and friends,

On Wednesday, January 23, 2013, Maximillian Fuzzypants laid down and peacefully ended his time here with me on earth. 
He was almost 5 yrs old and had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy: his heart was just too big for his little kitty body. 
 
When he was diagnosed, I made a deal with him: we would love and snuggle each other for as long as he was with me and then he would die peacefully in his sleep. He kept every minute of that deal, and I believe I did too. He was the most relaxed (and possibly most beautiful, but don’t tell Jamal!) cat I’ve ever owned and he made cat-lovers (ok, maybe just Maxie-kitty-lovers…!) out of all of my “dog-loving” friends.  I loved him a lot and he was buried in a pretty little ceremony which several of my friends helped me with. 
 
It’s a terrible thing to discover that your beloved pet and companion has left you, instead of finding him leaping onto your bed and mewing at you to pet him and for Pete’s sake get up and feed him! He was a wonderful companion and my apartment is lonely without him. But I’m very thankful that he simply laid down and his heart stopped. I believe it was a peaceful, gentle passing, which is all I could ever ask for. He is no longer suffering from heart trouble or breathing difficulties, and he left me and many others with some pretty funny and adorable memories. I already  miss his purring and following me around like a puppy–I keep thinking I’m seeing him out of the corner of my eye, or looking behind me to make sure he hasn’t “ninja-kittied” up behind me while I’m cooking (as he commonly did!).
 
Thank you for being a part of my life and thank you for your kindness and support. I wanted to let you know about my sweet Maxie and include you in the process of my mourning because you are important to me. Tell someone you love them today, in honor of a Ragdoll cat named Max. 
 
With love and sadness,
Kirsten

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